Story Songs Monotony Breaker

With United Airlines dominating the news of late  —  it’s only appropriate that today’s Monotony Breaker begin w/  some new marketing slogans that the company may wish to consider.  

But before that  —  this reminder that the Tuesday AM edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” (8:00 am Pacific and 11:00 am Eastern) at continues our series on “Story Songs” so I would encourage you to “check it out.”  In the meantime. . .

Slogans for United Airlines

We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class.

Our prices can’t be beaten…but our passengers can.

We put the hospital in hospitality.

We beat our passengers, not the competition.

We have an offer you can’t refuse. No, really.

Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.

Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating.

And you thought legroom was an issue.

If our staff need a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet.

We treat you like we treat your luggage.

Fight or flight.

You may have patients, but we don’t have patience.

We have red-eye and black-eye flights available.

Now serving free punch.


And having just celebrated Easter  —  a bit of reverence seems only appropriate. . .

While the priest was presenting a children’s sermon. 

He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was. 


Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time,

Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. 


In response to the question ‘what is the resurrection’, a little boy [Charlie Baumann] raised his hand. 


The priest called on him and the boy said, 

‘I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours 
You are supposed to call the doctor. 

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough to continue the service.


And finally  —  you do NOT need to be a golfer to appreciate the humor in the following depictions (that are all too close to reality for those of us who attempt this game. . .)


‘Man, that is really devious of her. Making club covers of her and the kids to guilt trip you every time you golf.’

During the life boat drill, a man has used his wife’s life jacket for his golf clubs.

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