“Oldies w/ the Old Guy” gets extra time at radio station WIRY this week as I’ll be filling in Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights from 5:00 till Midnight.  The “Eighties at Eight” will feature some great stuff from the 1st week of August  —  so check it out at wiry.com or 1340 AM and 100.7 FM and let me know what you think.

In the meantime, today’s MB begins with some quotes regarding Husbands and Wives attributed to some pretty famous people  —  and continues w/ some other stuff to entertain you.  Enjoy. . .

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. King  David After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Sasha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous The great question, which I have not been able to answer.. is, “What does a woman want?” Dumas I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud ‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays’ Red Skelton ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’ Sam Kinison ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.’ James Holt McGavra Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Patrick Murray The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Nash You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Henny Youngman A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Rodney Dangerfield A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Anonymous First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’ Second Guy : ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’ Anonymous

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An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

 

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

 

The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.

 

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,’99’.

 

The old guy obeys and says,”99″.

 

The doctor says, “Great”,now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say ,’99”.

 

Again, the old guy   says,’99’.”

 

The doctor said, “Very good”.

 

Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.

 

I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.

 

Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

 

 The old guy begins, “One,   two,     three….”

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A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.  It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.  “Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”

“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth?  They’re hookers, boy!  They have sex with men for money.”

The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”

After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”

She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”

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A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said,  “Come on, honey.  Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”

A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

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Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Michigan ,
the other to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach
and play golf.

 

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the
tight shorts, and the legs “

 

Ten years later at age 40 they play.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and
everybody has a little action on the games.”

 

Ten years later at age 50 they play a round of golf.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.”

 

At age 60 they play a round of golf.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price.”

 

At age 70 they play a round of golf.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”

 

At age 80 they play a round of golf.

 

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”

 

“Never regret growing older.
It is a privilege denied to many.”