Today’s Monotony Breaker begins w/ some “Geezer Planet” observations that certainly “make one think”  —  and continues w/ other entertaining bits to take your mind off whatever might be bothering you.

AND  —  Tuesday’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” features “Two-sided Hits.”  If you’re too young to know that that means  —  tune in at 11:00 am Eastern (8:00 am Pacific) at www.titanradio.org or the “ifullerton” app on your smartphone for a bit of “education” from the “Oldies” guy. . .

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     A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
     “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
     She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
     “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?”
     “We use it for sex,” she said.
     The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.  I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
     The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband  and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

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Some more “interesting observations”  —  a few of which are sure to apply to EVERYONE. . .

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And Finally  —  The importance of walking. . .

Walking can add minutes to your life.   This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

 

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.   Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing…

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.  I haven’t lost a pound.  Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.