Holiday Countdown Mini-MB

For those of you who tried to “listen live” to this morning’s “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” —  THANK YOU for trying.  As you discovered, a Scheduled Fire Drill at Cal State Fullerton took precedence over EVERYthing  —  including this weekly trip down memory lane.  However, modern technology abounds at the university and the entire show was successfully recorded and uploaded to Mixcloud for your listening pleasure.  Check it out at  


In the meantime  —  today’s Mini-Monotony Breaker begins with an entertaining look at the aging process. . .


Cartoons For Old Geezers &  Geezerettes! 



Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.

(Winston Churchill loved them).

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on my list.

  1. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  1. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

  1. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.

  1. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

  1. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  1. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

  1. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  1. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify… ” I answered ” a doctor.”

  1. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  1. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

  1. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

  1. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

  1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  1. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

  1. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.


And Finally a case of “hard of hearing” w/ surprising results. . .

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A female student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: “Are- My – Test – Results – Back?”

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