Today’s Monotony Breaker begins w/ a series of photos that are guaranteed to “make your day” — and continues w/ other comedic/entertaining bits. Enjoy. . .
And speaking of “entertainment” — check out “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” Monday Morning at 8:00 am Pacific (11:00 am Eastern). The theme is “Musical Duos” — and will really bring back some great memories. Check it out at www.titanradio.org or the “ifullerton” app on your smart phone. . .
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This comes from two math teachers with a combined total of 70 years experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. But Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
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And a few wine signs you may not have seen. . .
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Senior Church Moment
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wanted him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and Proclaims, .. ‘If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new
Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!’
The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, ‘If the Preacher will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!’
More sighs and loud applause.
Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, ‘If the Preacher stays, …. I will give him sex!’
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her, ‘Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?’
Sadie’s 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, ‘Well , I just asked my husband how we could help,and he said,……’Screw him!’
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Okay — a Test for Seniors — (those of you who have not yet reached this lovely stage of life don’t have a chance)???
THE ANSWERS WILL BE ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE, BUT YOU JUST CAN’T QUITE REMEMBER THE CORRECT ANSWER (Don’t worry the answers follow at the end)
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don’t know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The ____ ___________ Show.
03. ‘Get your kicks, __ _________ _______.’
04. ‘The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _____ _ _____.’
05. ‘In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____ ____ ____ ____.’
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we ‘danced’ under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the ‘_____.’
07. Nestle’s makes the very best…. _________.’
08. Satchmo was America ‘s ‘Ambassador of Goodwill.’ Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______ ___________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______.
10. Red Skelton’s hobo character was named ______ ___ ________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, ‘Good Night, and ‘________ ________ ‘
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ______ _______.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___ & _______.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, ‘the day the music died.’ This was a tribute to _______ ____________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called __________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50’s and 60’s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ______ _____ .
16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?
17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It’s _____ ______ _____!
18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only The _____ Knows!
19. There was a song that came out in the 60’s that was “a grave yard smash”. It’s name was the ______ ______!
20. Alka Seltzer used a “boy with a tablet on his head” as it’s Logo/Representative. What was the boy’s name? ________
ANSWERS:
01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04.To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and ‘Good Night and God Bless.’
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
17. Howdy Doody Time
18. Shadow
19. Monster Mash
20. Speedy
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And Finally. . .
The Magical Rope Trick