1.)A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines been prescribed for her.
As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills ?”
“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these to help you sleep!
“She reached out & patted the young doctor’s knee & said, “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up & mix it in the glass of orange juice my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. & believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”
You gotta love Grandmas!
2.)A man was riding a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
5 minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”
A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off 4 stops ago!”
3.)Students in an advanced Biology class were taking mid-term exams. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of 7 advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother & vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
The student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It is in 2 attractive containers, high enough off the ground the cat can’t get it.
He got an: “A+”
4.)A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining & all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”
They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around & says, “Geez lady, tell him the truth! They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide & he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes”.
After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?
She said, ” Most of them become taxi drivers!”
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