Today is “Fat Tuesday” (that’s the English Translation for Mardi Gras) — and refers to the final day before the start of Lent which is celebrated around the world. In the US, New Orleans hosts the largest celebration — so today’s “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” features this lovely city — and the music with which it is associated — the “true birthplace of rock & roll.” Check it out by clicking here https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-02-28-17-new-orleans/ (and remember, you can access any of the 60+ “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” shows by merely typing “billdickerson” (no space) in the search box at the top).
In the meantime Today’s MB begins w/ wisdom from the Senior perspective. . .
ANOTHER CHAPTER OF “THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!”
Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through;
can you help?’
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘Does the policy name give you a clue?’
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
‘If I register my car in France , and then take it to England,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.’
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes.. That’s what it says on the label — Woven in Scotland ….’
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.’
Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’
GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
Golf is harder than baseball. In Golf, you have to play your foul balls.
If you find you do not mind playing Golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip …your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
A ‘gimme‘ can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers …neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Golf‘s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’, you might wish to reconsider this game.
Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage, If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex…
#10… A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09… You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07… Foursomes are encouraged.
#06… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05… Three times a day is possible.
#04… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03… If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..
#01… When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
And Finally. . .
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.
He described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
”NAH,” he replied, “I’m just a shitty golfer.”