A new Monotony Breaker as May Day approaches that begins w/ some old “thoughts” that are timeless and very much “on target.” Enjoy — and don’t forget to check out the all new Z-106.3 www.wnbz.com for a “better variety of music”. . .
I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, “What brings you in today?”
I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it ‘Pumping Rust.’
When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘An ambulance.’
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’ and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have Love to Share, Cash to Spare, And Friends who Care
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A very Special Anniversary was about to be celebrated. . .
. . . Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed Son No. 1.
‘Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital
with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”
“Not to worry,” said the father. “Important thing is we’re
all together today.”
Son No. 2 arrived. “You and Mom look great. Dad, I just
flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn’t
have time to shop for you.”
“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able
to come.”
Just then the daughter arrived “Hello and happy anniversary!
Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”
After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.
You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mother and I knew we loved
each other very much, but we just never found the
time to get married.”
The three children gasped and said, “WHAT? You mean
we’re bastards?”
“Yep,” said the father, “Cheap ones, too. .. .”
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God Speaks to a Golfer!
A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedre, Florida, exactly the way the pros do it.
The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.
Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other “average” golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.
Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again.
When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer. However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying,
“Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one, a Titleist ProV1 if you have it.”
The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.
As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, “Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing.”
So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.
The voice boomed out again, “Take another practice swing.”
Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited; a long silence followed.
Then, the voice again, “Use the old ball.”
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And finally — some interesting thoughts on the aging process that hit “pretty close to home”
I can hit the golf ball any way I can and laugh if it goes in the lake. Them’s the breaks. I’m just happy I can still hit that golf ball.
As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70’s, (and play them on the radio) and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!