More than 7 months since our last Monotony Breaker — but boy has it been busy. Believe it or not — this “old guy” (of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” fame) is in the process of acquiring a radio station (along w/ my partner, Amanda Dagley) in Plattsburgh, NY — and as such, you can catch the “old guy” daily from 1-6 EST at www.wnbz.com.
It’s been a lot of work — and, of course, more expensive than we had projected — but things are coming together and look promising for the future.
In the meantime, I am committed to resuming these periodic Monotony Breakers — and trust that you will enjoy them as well. So let’s get right to it with a series of old photos that you will find “amazing” . . . followed by a handful of entertaining “bits” . Please enjoy — and of course check out www.wnbz.com for that “better variety of music that you love“. . .
We see many old photos but this set is truly special . . .
Hans Christian Anderson
Winston Churchill, 1895
Mahatma Gandhi dancing
Vincent van Gogh
John Wayne, 1930 (aged 23)
Alfred Hitchcock, 1920’s
Paul Newman, served in the Pacific in WW2
Her Maj and Prince Phil – same brooch, same pearls, same love
Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
Confederate general Robert E Lee
William, Diana, Harry
Edgar Allan Poe poses with Abraham Lincoln in Mathew Brady’s Washington , D.C. studio, 1849
Ernest Hemingway as an American Red Cross volunteer during World War I, 1918
Mark Twain, aged 15, 1850
What a find this photo was………..
IDIOT SIGHTINGS — are always good for a laugh — check these out. . .
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said “May I have large bills, please”.
She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the
keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply: ‘I know, I already got that side. ‘
This was at the Honda dealership in Canton , MS
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two.’
We haven’t used Sears repair since.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’
To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’ our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.
STAY ALERT! They walk among us……and they VOTE and have babies.
For all of us who are seniors…
The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies, while undergarments for old people are called Depends:
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em and Hug’em
When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who’s in the will!
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.
A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
�Blind man driving.�
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.�
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.�
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
You’ve come to the right place.�
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.�
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.�
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.�
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.�
In a Non-smoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.�
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.�
At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.�
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.�
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!�
At the Electric Company:
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.�
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.�
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.�
At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank Heaven for little grills.�
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.�
And the best one for last�;
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”
And finally — some real life embarrassing Medical Exams that will have you in stitches. . .
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . . ‘
My wife ‘ s going to have her baby in the cab. ‘
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady ‘ s dress and began to help her undress.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – – – and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
2.. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient ‘ s anterior chest wall.
‘ Big breaths, ‘ . . . I instructed.
‘ Yes, they used to be, ‘ . . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a ‘ massive internal fart. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
During a patient ‘ s two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications.
‘Which one? ‘ . .. . I asked. ‘ The patch…
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I ‘ m running out of places to put it! ‘
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn ‘ t see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
Norfolk , VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, ‘ How long have you been bedridden? ‘
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
‘ Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . ‘ So how ‘ s your breakfast this morning? ‘ ‘It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can ‘ t seem to get used to the taste.’ . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled ‘ KY Jelly. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . . ‘ Keep off the grass. ‘
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient ‘ s dressing,
which said ‘ Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. ‘
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams… To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
‘ I ‘ m sorry. Was I tickling you? ‘
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .
‘ No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
‘ I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener . ‘
Dr. wouldn ‘ t submit his name….
Baby ‘ s First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor ‘ s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby ‘ s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed, ‘ she replied..
‘ Well, strip down to your waist, ‘ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘ No wonder this baby is underweight. You don ‘ t have any milk. ‘
I know, ‘ she said, ‘ I ‘ m his Grandma,
But I ‘ m glad I came