“Oldies” Story Songs Mini-MB

Today’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” (Story Songs I thru O) has been successfully uploaded to Mixcloud and I must say it’s “pretty darn good.”  Check it out at https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-04-25-17-story-songs-i-thru-o/

In the meantime  —  today’s Mini Monotony Breaker begins w/ what some might call a “rhetorical question”

Who says Men Can’t Decorate???

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40 years of marriage.. 


A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.

 
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

 
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

 
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’

 
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

 
The husband thought for a moment:

 
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’

 
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.!

 
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…

 
The husband became 92 years old.

 
The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female …..

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A group of HELLS ANGELS bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!”

“Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . . why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did justthat . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

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Retired people…..

Four men are walking down a street in Miami, Florida. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “ALL DRINKS 10 Cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?”


There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.  In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”


The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.


Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.”


They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet.


Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”


“I’m a retired Disney Artist from Orlando,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”


“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.


As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.  Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, “What’s with them?”


The bartender says, “Those are retired folks from New York.  They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price…”

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And finally  —  definitive proof of how the “X and Y” chromosomes affects one’s thinking. . .

Wife’s Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
 
I asked him what was wrong; He said, “nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. We had sex, he fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s  Diary: 

A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt–

 

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