“Sunday of Solid Gold” Monotony Breaker

I am EXTREMELY pleased to be back in NYS — and especially this weekend as I get to host the “Sunday of Sold Gold” at WIRY in Plattsburgh Sunday morning from 5 am till noon. And you can join me no matter where you might be at www.wiry.com or locally at 1340 AM or 100.7 FM. Its a very special show that will feature “Story Songs” from A to Z — and to make it even better — we’ll be playing the “Snippit” game between 9 am and noon where you can call in to identify either the title or artist of a given song — and be entered to win a CD as a prize.

It will be a lot of fun for sure — and I REALLY hope you’ll be able to join me for at least a portion of the show. I think you might like what you hear and as always — don’t hesitate to let me know what you think. . .

And oh yes  —  today’s Monotony Breaker begins w/ a bit of “Country Philosophy” that hits pretty close to the mark. . .

Life from the seat of a tractor.
An old Farmer’s Words of Wisdom we could all live by…….
 

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…….not yelled.”

“Meanness don’t just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”


“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”


“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain’t never gonna happen anyway.” 


“Don’t judge folks by their relatives. 


“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”


“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.


“Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.”


“Timin’ has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got

“The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.”

“If you  get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.”

“Live simply, love generously , care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”


“Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill  you.”

And, finally…………………. ………………  

 

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A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”

“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

“I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up…

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

“How much?” asked the little boy…

“No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

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Talk about incredible TV ads???

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And Finally. . .

Parenting in The Wilderness

Most of these Shots seem near Impossible to Get,

Yet this Photographer Got Em.

Awesome Pix

“I am thankful for small mercies.  I compared notes with one of my friends who expects everything of the universe, and is disappointed when anything is less than the best, and I found that I begin at the other extreme, expecting nothing, and am always full of thanks for moderate goods.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Oldies Mini-MB

Today’s edition of “Oldies with the Old Guy” (last one for the Spring Semester) has been uploaded to Mixcloud and is available for your listening pleasure.  https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-05-02-17-live-shows-2016-2017/

Feel free to go to www.mixcloud.com ANY time you’re in the mood for Oldies  —  type “Bill Dickerson” into the Search Bar  —  and enjoy. . . 

But I digress  —  Today’s Mini-Monotony Breaker begins w/ some chalkboard advice from a filling station  —  that has a lot to say (and says it well.)  After seeing these, you may ask yourself as I did “Why aren’t more merchants around the world using this simple, but effective, means of stimulating interest???

A Johannesburg South Africa filling station has become quite a landmark in Gauteng with its daily #PetrolPumpWisdom – uplifting quotes written on a chalkboard

 

 Some motorists say they deliberately travel this route just to read the quote which brightens their day.

 Here’s A Selection:

The lady behind this wonderful initiative at Hutton Hyde Park is Alison Billett.

 She told SA People: “We inherited the board from the previous owner, Dick Hutton, when we bought the filling station from him almost 20 years ago.

“We continued the tradition and it has become a landmark 

– more so now that it’s on social media!

“Not a day goes by when I don’t get a call or a visit from someone to tell me how much they appreciate the message – it seems that every day there’s something that just speaks to what is going on in someone’s life and that inspires or motivates them.

“Having people come and tell me their stories and how the quote helped them in some small way is what motivates me to keep writing!

 “We use a variety of quotations – some are topical, some are funny, some are inspirational, some even reflect what is going on in my life that day!

 “Different things appeal to different people…

 “The boards were spotted by a motivational speaker from the UK, Geoff Ramm, when he was driving by one day and he was so taken by them he included a piece about them in his book!

 “The boards have appeared many times in newspapers and magazines and been spoken about on radio stations all over the world. 9GAG has re-tweeted them a few times too!”

 Bob 95 FM in the USA recently posted Alison’s “Rest in Peace” quote which has now been shared over a quarter of a million times around the world!

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Having just turned the “Big 70” a few weeks ago  —  the following hits a little “too close to home”. . .

Q:   Where can single men over the age of 70 find
younger women who are interested in them?

A:   Try a bookstore, under
Fiction.

Q:   What can a man do while his wife is going
through menopause?

A:   Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can
finish the basement.  When you’re done, you will have a place to
live.

Q:   Someone has told me that menopause is
mentioned in the bible… Is that true?
Where can it be
found?

A:   Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode
Joseph’s ass all the way to   Egypt
…”

Q:   How can you increase the heart rate of your
over-70 year-old husband?

A:   Tell him you’re
pregnant.

Q:   How can you avoid that terrible curse of the
elderly wrinkles?

A:   Take off your
glasses.

Q:   Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet
and all those wrinkles on my face?

A:   Go braless. It will usually pull them
out..

Q:   Why should 70-plus year old people use valet
parking?

A:   Valets don’t forget where they park your
car.

Q:   Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have
problems with  short term memory storage?

A:   Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it
is the problem.

Q:   As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A:   Yes, but usually in the
afternoon.

Q:   Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye
glasses?

A:   On their
foreheads.

Q:   What is the most common remark made by 70-plus
year olds when they enter antique stores?

A:   “Gosh, I remember
these!”

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And Finally. . .

 

2016-2017 “Live” Concerts Monotony Breaker

Today’s Monotony Breaker begins w/ some Photos that you’ve probably never seen  —  and most of which are “amazing.”  It continues w/ some of the entertaining bits to which readers of these Monotony Breakers have become accustomed.

And lest we forget  —  today’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” gets underway at 8:00 am Pacific (11:00 am Eastern) at titanradio.org (or the “ifullerton app on your smart phone.) Check it out. . .

Miss America 1924

Helen Keller Meeting Charlie Chaplin

Leather gloves worn by Lincoln to Ford’s Theater on the night of his assassination. Blood stains are visible at the cuffs.

Phoebe Mozee (aka: Annie Oakley). Famed for her marksmanship by 12 years old, she once shot the ashes off of Kaiser Wihelm II’s
cigarette at his invitation. When she outshot famed exhibition marksman Frank Butler, he fell in love with her and they married.
They remained married the rest of their lives.

Very Young Lucy Lucille Ball around 1930

Amy Johnson, English aviator 1903-1941 One of the first women to gain a pilot’s license, Johnson won fame when she flew solo from
Britain to Australia in 1930. Her dangerous flight took 17 days. Later she flew solo to India and Japan and became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic East to West, she volunteered to fly for The Women’s Auxiliary Air Force in WW 2, but her plane was shot down over the River Thames and she was killed.

Prison Garb 1924. Belva Annan murderess whose trial records became the musical ” Chicago .”


Female photojournalist Jessie Tarbox on the street with her camera, 1900’s.

 
Roald Amundsen was the first person to reach the South Pole. At approximately 3pm on December 14, 1911, Amundsen raised the flag of Norway at the South Pole and named the spot Polheim — “Pole Home.”

 
The extraordinary life of Maud Allen: Seductive US dancing girl who was sued for being too lewd, outed as a lesbian, and fled London after being branded a German spy who was sleeping with the prime minister’s wife.

 
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

 
Caroline Otero, courtesan, the most sought after woman in all of Europe. She associated herself with the likes of Prince Albert I of Monaco, King Edward VII of the United Kingdom, Kings of Serbia, and Kings of Spain as well as Russian Grand Dukes Peter and Nicholas, the Duke of Westminster and writer Gabriele D’Annunzio. Six men reportedly committed suicide after their love affairs with Otero ended. Two men fought a duel over her.
She was famed for her voluptuous breasts.

 
Wedding day photograph of Abraham and Mary taken November 4, 1842, Springfield, Illinois after three years of a stormy courtship and a broken engagement. Their love had endured.

 
Billie Holiday at two years old, in 1917

 
Washington, D.C., circa 1919. “Walter Reed Hospital flu ward.” One of the very few images in Washington-area photo archives documenting the influenza contagion of 1918-1919, which killed over 500,000 Americans and tens of millions around the globe. Most victims succumbed to bacterial pneumonia following influenza virus infection.

 
Filming the MGM Logo

 
Amelia Earhart

 
Mae Questel ca. 1930’s, the voice of Betty Boop and Olive Oyl, Minnie Mouse, Felix the Cat (for three shorts by the Van Beuren Studios), Little Lulu, Little Audrey and  Casper, the Friendly Ghost

 
Bea Arthur (née Bernice Frank el) (1922-2009) SSgt. USMC 1943-45 WW II. Enlisted and assigned as typist at Marine HQ in Wash DC, then air stations in VA and NC. Best remembered for her title role in the TV series “Maude” and as Dorothy in “Golden Girls”.

 
In 1911, Bobby Leach survived a plunge over Niagara Falls in a steel barrel. Fourteen years later, in New Zealand, he slipped on an orange peel and died.

 
Emily Todd was Mary Todd Lincoln’s half-sister. In 1856 she married Benjamin Helm, a Confederate general. After Helm’s death in 1863 Emily Helm passed through Union Lines to visit her sister in the White House. This caused great consternation in the Northern newspapers. Emily Helm took an oath of loyalty to the Union and was granted amnesty

Three days before his 19th birthday, George H.W. Bush became the youngest aviator in the US Navy.

 
Market Street, San Francisco after the earthquake, 1906.

 
All-American Girls Baseball, 1940’s

 
1943 : Breast Protectors for War Workers

 
Mary Ellen Wilson (1864–1956) or sometimes Mary Ellen McCormack was an American whose case of child abuse led to the creation of the New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. As an eight-year old, she was severely abused by her foster parents, Francis and Mary Connolly.

 
Sacajawea. Stolen, held captive, sold, eventually reunited the Shoshone Indians. She was an interpreter and guide for Lewis and Clark in 1805-1806 with her husband Toussaint Charbonneau. She navigated carrying her son, Jean Baptiste, on her back. She traveled thousands of miles from the Dakotas the Pacific Ocean . The explorers, said she was cheerful, never complained, and proved to be invaluable. She served as an advisor, caretaker, and is legendary for her perseverance and resourcefulness.

Zelda Boden, circus performer, ca. 1910.

 
A Confederate and Union soldier shake hands during a celebration at Gettysburg in 1913. Image from the Library of Congress. July 1-3, 2013 marks the 150th Anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg.

 
Geraldine Doyle, who was the inspiration behind the famous Rosie the Riveter poster.

Vintage Baked Potato Cart.
A legitimate fast food lunch option back in the day.

 
Black physicians treating in the ER a member of the
Ku Kux Klan

 
Cyclists ride in the first running of the Tour de France, in 1903.

 
Sergeant Stubby (1916 or 1917 – April 4, 1926), was the most decorated war dog of World War I and the only dog to be promoted to sergeant through combat. America ‘s first war dog, Stubby, served 18 months ‘over there’ and participated in seventeen battles on the Western Front. He saved his regiment from surprise mustard gas attacks, found and comforted the wounded, and even once caught a German spy by the seat of his pants (holding him there till American Soldiers found him).

 
Nightwitches – Female Russian bombers who bombedGermany during WW 2. They had old, noisy planes and the engines used to conk out halfway through their missions, so they had to climb out on the wings mid-flight to restart the props!

To stop Germans from hearing them and starting up the anti aircraft guns,they’d climb to a certain height, coast down to German positions, drop their bombs, restart their engines in midair, then get the hell out of dodge. Their leader flew 200+ missions and was never captured.

Marilyn Monroe meets Queen Elizabeth II, London,

1956 Both women are 30 years old.

Chief Petty Officer Graham Jackson plays “Going Home” as FDR’s body is borne past in Warm Springs, GA, where thePresident was scheduled to attend a barbecue on the day he died.

April, 1945.

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A wonderful uplifting story from an ‘ole guy’ in The Villages

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.  He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.   The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
 
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

 
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.  ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000  the jeweler said

 The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.  The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’


The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check.  I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
 

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said  ‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.
 
”I know,’ said the old man…‘But let me tell you about my weekend.’

 
Not All Seniors Are Senile…

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When Will Men Ever Learn They Aren’t Immortal???

Son, next time I’ll be William Tell

This South African cop probably missed a few training days

Irony overload

Timber!

Garden or no garden, we must have a trampoline

I’ll wear it, but only because I have to!

Easy to walk forwards, not so easy to get back…

This man’s got his priorities straight

If they pull this off they’re engineering geniuses

I like teamwork, but this…?

Keep on believing! Nothing can go wrong

What’s the one part of your body you’d trust to a galloping giant?

Oh yeah, like that’s gonna help?

Can’t find your helmet? No problem – use a bucket

Ok, friend, I’ve got a job for you. It’s a tough one…

An opened window does not a balcony make

This guy likes his odds

Do you think he’s a professional window cleaner?

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And Finally. . .

MURPHY’S OTHER 15 LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

  1. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  1. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

  1. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

  1. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

  1. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

  1. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

  1. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

  1. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

  1. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

“Oldies” Story Songs Mini-MB

Today’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” (Story Songs I thru O) has been successfully uploaded to Mixcloud and I must say it’s “pretty darn good.”  Check it out at https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-04-25-17-story-songs-i-thru-o/

In the meantime  —  today’s Mini Monotony Breaker begins w/ what some might call a “rhetorical question”

Who says Men Can’t Decorate???

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40 years of marriage.. 


A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.

 
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

 
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

 
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’

 
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

 
The husband thought for a moment:

 
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’

 
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.!

 
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…

 
The husband became 92 years old.

 
The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female …..

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A group of HELLS ANGELS bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby . whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!”

“Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . . why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did justthat . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

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Retired people…..

Four men are walking down a street in Miami, Florida. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “ALL DRINKS 10 Cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?”


There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.  In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”


The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.


Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.”


They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet.


Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”


“I’m a retired Disney Artist from Orlando,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”


“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.


As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.  Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, “What’s with them?”


The bartender says, “Those are retired folks from New York.  They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price…”

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And finally  —  definitive proof of how the “X and Y” chromosomes affects one’s thinking. . .

Wife’s Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
 
I asked him what was wrong; He said, “nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. We had sex, he fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s  Diary: 

A two-foot putt.. Who the hell misses a two-foot putt–

 

Story Songs Monotony Breaker

With United Airlines dominating the news of late  —  it’s only appropriate that today’s Monotony Breaker begin w/  some new marketing slogans that the company may wish to consider.  

But before that  —  this reminder that the Tuesday AM edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” (8:00 am Pacific and 11:00 am Eastern) at www.titanradio.org continues our series on “Story Songs” so I would encourage you to “check it out.”  In the meantime. . .

Slogans for United Airlines

We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class.

Our prices can’t be beaten…but our passengers can.

We put the hospital in hospitality.

We beat our passengers, not the competition.

We have an offer you can’t refuse. No, really.

Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.

Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating.

And you thought legroom was an issue.

If our staff need a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet.

We treat you like we treat your luggage.

Fight or flight.

You may have patients, but we don’t have patience.

We have red-eye and black-eye flights available.

Now serving free punch.

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And having just celebrated Easter  —  a bit of reverence seems only appropriate. . .

While the priest was presenting a children’s sermon. 

He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was. 

   

Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time,

Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. 

  

In response to the question ‘what is the resurrection’, a little boy [Charlie Baumann] raised his hand. 

   

The priest called on him and the boy said, 

‘I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours 
You are supposed to call the doctor. 

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough to continue the service.

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And finally  —  you do NOT need to be a golfer to appreciate the humor in the following depictions (that are all too close to reality for those of us who attempt this game. . .)

 

‘Man, that is really devious of her. Making club covers of her and the kids to guilt trip you every time you golf.’

During the life boat drill, a man has used his wife’s life jacket for his golf clubs.

International “Louie Louie Day” Monotony Breaker

April 11, 1935, Richard Berry was born, and its likely that you may ask “why is that of interest?”  Well, believe it or not, Richard Berry will go down in history as one of the most influential people in Pop Music History  —  and w/ today’s designation as “International Louie Louie Day  —  this edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” delves into the Richard Berry Story and lays it all out in a most interesting way.  Please join us at 11:00 am Eastern (8:00 am Pacific) for what I can assure you will be one of the most entertaining shows we’ve ever done.  Check it at www.titanradio.org or the “ifullerton” app on your smart phone.

In the meantime  —  on w/ today’s Monotony Breaker. . .

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Six Little Stories

{1}  Once all villagers decided to pray for rain.

On the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.

That’s FAITH.

{2}  When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them.

That’s TRUST.

{3}  Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning,

but still we set the alarms to wake up.

That’s HOPE.

{4}  We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.

That’s CONFIDENCE.

{5}  We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.

That’s LOVE.

{6}  On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence

‘I am not 80 years old;  I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.’

That’s ATTITUDE.

Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories.

 

When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.

 

“GOOD FRIENDS ARE THE RARE JEWELS OF LIFE…

DIFFICULT TO FIND AND IMPOSSIBLE TO REPLACE!

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The Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some homework.” The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “Ok, Ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies.” Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?” Son says, “Toy Story.” The robot slaps the son.

Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching a dirty movie.” Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what a dirty movie was.” The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.” The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale….

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BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR,
DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY!

This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina .
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then
insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of
small fires.’
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion..
The lawyer sued and WON!
(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the
cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them
against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable
‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award
contest.

ONLY IN THE USA ….

NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE’RE NUTS

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And Finally  —  we end w/ some “nostalgia”. . .

 

 

 

 

Two-Sided Hits Mini-MB

Two-sided Musical Hits were a rarity  —  but it happened  —  and today’s “Oldies w/ the Old Guy”   https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-04-04-17-two-sided-hits/  contains some of the best.  Check it out.

In the meantime, today’s Mini Monotony Breaker begins w/ some interesting facts  —  most of which you will not have known  —  and continues w/ a couple other bits of entertainment.  Enjoy. . .

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Sometimes you just hear what you want to hear.
At a travel agency in Shanghai , I asked the Chinese girl behind
the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her
for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said, 
“Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight”.

I replied, “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder
and said, “What she really said was:  666136429.”

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Golfers  —  you will LOVE this. . .

  GOLF POEM

Before reading the neat poem below, here is a little known fact about golf balls. 

       According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls

per round for a worldwide total of approximately 2,465,752 every day.

       Worried about running out? Don’t be. Companies like Titleist are
working hard to ensure that never happens. Titleist makes 1.2 million golf
balls each day.

Now enjoy the poem, below.

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,

White And Dimpled, Rather Small.

Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,

This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,

The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.

But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,

I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,

Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.

It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,

A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,

I loathe it, And Want To Die.

It Promises A Thing Called Par,

If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,

Should Not Be Very Hard At All.

But My Desires The Ball Refuses,

And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,

And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.

Often It Will Have A Whim,

To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,

It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.

Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,

If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,

And Swear That I Will Give It Up.

And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,

But The Ball Knows … I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.

                ++++++++++++++++++++++

AND READ THIS ONE LAST PARAGRAPH!

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls.  A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.  Another study found  golfers drink, on average, 22 gallonsof alcohol a year.  That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.  

 Kind of makes you proud.  You’re like … a hybrid!

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And Finally  —  some GREAT stuff from “Life Hacks”. . .

April Monotony Breaker

Today’s Monotony Breaker begins w/ some “Geezer Planet” observations that certainly “make one think”  —  and continues w/ other entertaining bits to take your mind off whatever might be bothering you.

AND  —  Tuesday’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” features “Two-sided Hits.”  If you’re too young to know that that means  —  tune in at 11:00 am Eastern (8:00 am Pacific) at www.titanradio.org or the “ifullerton” app on your smartphone for a bit of “education” from the “Oldies” guy. . .

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     A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
     “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
     She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
     “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?”
     “We use it for sex,” she said.
     The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.  I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
     The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband  and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

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Some more “interesting observations”  —  a few of which are sure to apply to EVERYONE. . .

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And Finally  —  The importance of walking. . .

Walking can add minutes to your life.   This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

 

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.   Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing…

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.  I haven’t lost a pound.  Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

 

Oldies Mini-Monotony Breaker

It’s often said that “there’s a story in every song”  —  and as true as that may be  —  it goes w/o saying that SOME songs are truly STORY Songs  —  and those beginning w/ the letters C thru H are featured in today’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy.”  Check it out at https://www.mixcloud.com/billdickerson/oldies-with-the-old-guy-03-21-17-story-songs-c-thru-h/  and, of course, remember that you can access ANY of the 70+ “Oldies” shows by going to www.mixcloud.com and typing “Bill Dickerson” in the Search box.  

In the meantime  —  today’s Mini-Monotony Breaker begins w/ some interesting observations on Technology and the aging process.  Enjoy. . .

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And finally. . . I just discovered my age group!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don’t have a curfew.

I have a driver’s license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.

I like the wine store best.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. They aren’t scared of anything. They have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?

And I don’t have acne.

Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.  People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.

Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!!

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too.

“Spring” Monotony Breaker

This week’s Monotony Breaker begins with some “fascinating photos”  —  most of which, I guarantee you have never seen  —  but yet, will find of interest  —  and of course continues w/ some other “entertaining bits.”

Also, this week’s edition of “Oldies w/ the Old Guy” features a continuation of “Story Songs”  —  C thru H.  check it out at www.titanradio.org at 8:00 am Tuesday (Pacific) or 11:00 am (Eastern) or the “ifullerton” app on your smartphone.

And don’t forget  —  past “Monotony Breakers” are always available at www.monotonybreaker.com  Feel free to share w/ friends and encourage them to sign up for their own copy of the Newsletter. . .

And Now  —  on to today’s Monotony Breaker  —  “rarely seen photos in USA’s history”. . .

 

Burnt District Coffee House in Chicago after the Fire, 1871. Chicago entrepreneurs quickly reacted to establish or reestablish businesses in the fire district.

Hanging of a stagecoach robber in Texas, c. 1890-1900

Landscape

Wood-plank prison in Wyoming, 1893

Chinatown Squad of the San Francisco Police Department posing with sledge hammers and axes in front of August Pistolesiâ’s grocery store at 752 Washington Street, 1895. They were specialized in opium dens and gambling rooms and their method was simple.

Alice Huyler Ramsey (November 11, 1886 – September 10, 1983), the first woman to drive across the United States from coast to coast, 1909. Only 152 miles out of the total 3600-mile trip were made on paved road. 

North American native Chilocco Indian Agricultural School basketball team in 1909.

Originally, the swastika is a sign of good fortune. 

A horse-drawn fire engine of Engine No. 39 leaving Fire Headquarters at 157 East 67th Street for the last time after being replaced with a motorized fire engine, New York City, February 19, 1912. 


Motorcycle chariots, 1920s

Log motor home by Wade, 1922 

Log motor home by Wade, interior

Three friends take a joyride on their new vehicle, Ohio, c. 1924


North American native switchboard operator, 1925


Workers lay bricks to pave 28th Street in Manhattan, 1930

Drive-In restaurant on West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles,1932 

A life guard and a doctor attempt to save a swimmers life on Coney Island Beach, 1940.

The woman in the center chose the worst moment for a smile.

Coney Island, NY, 1940 

Victure Mature, Marilyn Monroe and Queen Elizabeth (both 30 at the time) meet at a movie premier in London. October 1956

Elvis Presley joins the Army, 1958

Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev eating a hot dog in Des Moines, Iowa, on which he commented it’s excellent. We make good sausages but yours are better, 1959 

Couple and friend being abused in a restaurant for the latter being black, USA, 1963 

Arnold Schwarzenegger on his first time in New York, 1968 

New York City sidewalks filled with trash during the 1968 strike of sanitation workers


US President Richard Nixon jumps down from the trunk of a limousine which carried him and Pakistani President Yahya Khan (left, background) in a motorcade to Government House after Nixon’s arrival in Lahore on August 1, 1969

Children play a game on the Xerox Alto, one of the first personal computers with a graphic user interface, 1973. Its monitor was switchable between portrait and landscape mode.

President Carter with engineers and solar panels newly installed on the White House, 1979.

President Reagan had them removed in 1986, to be reinstalled by President Obama in 2010 

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GOOD INVESTMENT ADVICE…….

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.

Her husband readily agreed.


This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.

 


Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.


During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the
Bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than
Three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut!!

Women are like phones: 

They like to be held, talked to, and touched often 
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

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Power Outage

I had a power outage at my house this morning.

My PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPad and new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was dead.

To top it off, it was raining so I couldn’t go for a walk, bike, or run.

The garage door opener needed electricity so I couldn’t go anywhere in the car.

I went to the kitchen to make coffee and then remembered this also needed power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

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And finally  —  some of the wisdom often derived when one combines some hops, some barley, a little malt  —  and some cool Mountain Spring Water. . .

“Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
Babe Ruth


“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Lyndon B. Johnson


“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
Paul Horning


“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
H. L. Mencken

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
George Bernard Shaw

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Benjamin Franklin

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!
W. C. Fields

Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey

To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers (TV Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:

“Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this…

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”